Saturday Morning Joy

This past Saturday was the first in a long time that we've woken up without having to rush out of the house to make the 4 hour drive to Orlando to visit our girl. This Saturday morning was different. Both our girls were up early and peeked into our bedroom at about 9 am to let us know they were up and bored. It was nice. Having our baby home is more than “amazing” (as she says). Hearing her and sister’s giggles from their rooms is actually one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard. She is home, where she belongs and that feels good. At the same time, we know how hard it is for her and how challenging life has become and it saddens us deeply. We've been telling ourselves for weeks that she will be different, as one of her doctors told me a while ago “that life with our daughter as we knew it a year ago will not be the same” because she is not the same. 

As painful and difficult as these last seven weeks were, I think our daughter grew a lot while she was in that facility. She learned a lot about herself, her weaknesses and strengths, and she learned to value the gifts that God has blessed her with. I think as a family, we have all learned that lesson in these last seven weeks. My child is in a much better place today than she was before she left. Her smile is real and contagious. She's eager to get back to school and church and all that she's missed out on. 

Today will be hard. I’m sure most of this week will be hard. Going back to school will probably stir up a lot of feelings for her that she hasn't had to deal with in two months. I think I’m more anxious today then when she started kindergarten or even middle school. I wish I could keep her in a bubble. Somewhere safe where she wouldn't have to deal with people that are hurtful and things that make her uncomfortable. That’s unrealistic, I know but I just wish that were me instead of her today having to face everything and everyone. 

Please pray that her day goes smoothly. That she can use the skills that she learned while she was away and that she can lean on her God when things around her get to be too much. 

On My Way

The Nest Will Be Full Again!

We just got off the phone with our sweet girl. She spent the whole time telling me how excited she was to finally be coming home. She even tried to bamboozle me into telling her that we'd get back to Miami in time for her to make it to "Puppets" tomorrow. That's one of those things she treasures and has missed tremendously. Then she asked if we were going to church on Sunday. She is so anxious to get back to her life. It's hard to believe that it's been almost seven weeks. I never thought I'd survive this long without her. The night before she left I laid in her bed with her and we cried for what seemed like forever. I held her as she tried to console me when I was supposed to be consoling her. She assured me that she'd be OK and that this would be for the best. As a mom I can tell you that I could not have been separated from my child for this long if it weren't for Him. It was His strength that got me up and out of the house every morning. It was Him that got us through some very rough days. Days when all I wanted to do was get in my car and go bring my baby home. Today we rejoice because we are going to have our girl back home with us again but most importantly, we are grateful because we have a better understanding of how to help her. As I said before, we know that we need to find our new normal and we know that won't be easy. Life for her, and our family, will be challenging but we know that our God will continue to walk with us. Carrying us when the road gets too hard and the load gets too heavy. 

Thank you for your prayers, cards, well wishes and support. I know that the heavens were flooded with prayers for our family and we will forever be thankful for that.  With all our love, Smile's Family!

Answered Prayers!

Words cannot convey the joy of the good news, so simply stated....

Praise God!  Great things he has done!  Can I hear a collective AMEN?!  

Psalm 107:29-32 - He caused the storm to be still, So that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet; So He guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for His loving kindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people, And praise Him at the seat of the elders.

Details will follow, but for now we celebrate the great news!  GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

Butterflies

As a friend, it's been an extraordinary process watching this road unveiled.  At times, it has been gut wrenching to see the pain and anguish of parent's separated from their beloved child. Devastating to see a child in pain and hopeless.  But through it all, it has been a blessing to see God in the center of it all.  To know that those who openly profess the Lord as their Savior hang on to the promises He has given us even if it was to just keep their heads above water.  Those who are still sitting on the fence may not openly admitting it, but are closer to the Lord today than when this whole thing started. And those who may not believe in our Savior, can't  help but be a witness to the great things He has done.  No doubt, it has been His strength that has carried the family.  His life IN Smiles that has protected her.  His wisdom that has directed them to the right place and the right doctors.  His Grace that has forgiven the times of unbelief that things would ever get better.  His Love that has enveloped them.  As we start to see a not just a light at the end of the tunnel, but a rainbow, I can't help but be inspired by what has taken place.  It has been a struggle undefined by pen and paper but so encouraging at the same time.  GOD IS REAL.  He does not lie.  When he says he will not leave us, He means it.  He does not leave.  He's been with smiles the entire 46 days at the facility, has made the 8 trips to Central Florida, has been a part of every meeting, session, decision, and conversation. He has held their hands and wiped their tears and has been a constant companion.  His commitment to HIS children will not end when Smiles comes home, He will remain with her and the family until they are all in His presence. This may be the families new normal, but this is HIS well established plan, knit together in their mother's womb and therefore perfect and ordained.  Up ahead on this long road lies a new chapter of the beautiful story known as Smiles.  It is written by the perfect author who left no small detail or matter out of the story.  A story so inspirational that it will continue to impact those who know her and those who love her.  Our job continues to be to love and support the family, first and foremost with prayers and then with unconditional love and understanding.    The struggle of the butterfly gives us hope...

Smiles, you have inspired us all!

Our New Normal

After six weeks of being separated from our sweet girl we are now starting to look toward the future, wondering what the "new normal" will look like. This week brought with it challenges and news and answers that, though we may have expected, we didn't really want. I talked about acceptance earlier in this process. We are now at that place. We must accept that our child suffers from mental illness in order to move forward. According to the internet, mental illness is a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life. It can affect persons of any age, race, religion or income and it is not the result of personal weakness, lack of character or poor upbringing. 

What does all of that really mean to us? It means that our daughter has specific needs that need to be met in order to lead a normal life. That she will have to work harder than the next gal at keeping her head above water when things are less than ideal. That as a family, we will all have to work harder at helping her stay on track, encouraging her and motivating her. She is our very special gift from God. We are so proud of her and we couldn't be happier to be her parents. We thank God every day for her, just the way she is.

They have made some changes to her medications and we are starting to see some real progress. God willing, we will be bringing our Smiles home in the next couple of weeks. Please pray for us as we try to figure out what the "new normal" with and for our girl will be like.  We know our God is good and we hold on to His promise to never leave us or forsake us! Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Fighting For Our Girl to Smile Again

Fighting for our girl to smile again….

This picture was taken on the summer vacation we took right before this nightmare began. I remember thinking during this trip that we had it all. We were a happy family, two beautiful and healthy girls and the means to take a trip like that to visit family who we are very blessed to have. I really did think at one point in that trip that life couldn’t get better than that. The day after we returned from our vacation was when she told us how bad she was feeling and how scary some of her thoughts had been. It feels like the rest has been a blur. Going into this facility 41 days ago, I hoped our child just needed some extra help with her depression. That once they had the right meds in place, our little girl would come back home with us and resume her teenage life without having to look back. I didn’t allow myself to even consider the possibility that this would be something that she may end up having to deal with her whole life. My daughter was born perfect. She was an angel as a baby, sweet quiet child growing up, always got good grades in school, well mannered, has always been very compassionate, cares about people and loves, loves, loves her Lord. There has never been any reason for us to think that there would be a point in her very young life where she would fall so deep into a depression that would literally rock her to her core. It’s just not right. My child has one of the most beautiful smiles (sorry, I’m biased) I’ve ever seen. I’ll never forget what her principal said to me at her fifth grade graduation. She came up to her and gave her a hug and told me that she was going to miss her smile. She said it always lifted her spirits. I would’ve never thought that she would use that very smile to hide her pain and struggles from us. To make others believe she was ok when indeed she was suffering very much behind it. I look back at pictures like the one in this post, and think “what made my girl feel like she should fake that smile?”, “What happened along the way that made life so terrible for her?”, Is it something I did or didn’t do?”, “Did we fail her in some way?” I can’t help but to feel these things and rack my head with these kinds of questions. None of it makes any sense to me.

I wondered the other night after hearing that the insurance company had started the denial process whether my faith would be enough. I  declared that this wasn’t too big for my God. I actually repeated it over and over. But, do I really feel it? It scared me to think that God wouldn’t answer my prayer to provide for my daughter’s treatment if my faith wasn’t strong enough. But, the beauty of serving a God like ours is that He will still be God no matter who I am, what I’ve done, or how strong my faith is. Whether my faith is strong or not, my God is. And, that’s what’s important! We continue to wait on Him because we know He will provide. It may not be through the insurance company, and we may not know exactly which way He will work, but there is no doubt in my mind that He will see us through this. My daughter will get the help that she needs and she will come home and resume her life with her friends, her school, and most importantly, her family who is so anxiously waiting for her to come home. 

Our God is good even when things in our life are not. We are getting close to a diagnosis, to the right treatment and to having her with us again. He is not done with our girl yet and so, I thank Him for what I know He is doing and how He will glorify Himself in her life.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!!!