Day 14: Accept

From Mom,

Our beautiful smiley girl is hanging in there. Every day brings on different challenges for her as she is working hard at trying to figure out why she feels the way she does and how she is supposed to do happy. I said do instead of be, because unfortunately happy is a chore for her right now. It is very difficult for us to stand back and have her be medicated for one thing in an attempt to rule out another, all in the hopes of coming up with the right treatment for her. It’s not easy to accept that a child that has everything, could be this down, this hopeless. But not everyone’s chemistry is the same and that, is something we all have to accept. We were told that is part of what we need to do now. Accept. Accept that our child will most likely deal with bouts of depression all of her life. Accept that we will all have to work harder as a family. Accept that not everyone will understand and accept her. Accepting is hard. Very hard when you have no choice in the matter. So instead of asking God why He has allowed this, we wait and see how He will use this because we know that He has great things planned for our little girl.  

Two weeks ago today we were trying desperately to prepare, mentally, for what the next day, and weeks, would bring. We knew that what lay ahead would not be easy but nobody could have prepared for us for the pain that we would feel as we drove back to Miami from Orlando after having left her there. With each passing mile, the distance between us became more real. And that reality hurt, a lot. When we were first told that there was a possibility that she would need inpatient care I immediately thought that there was no way we could do that. How were we going to be without her. Now, two weeks after the fact, I wonder how people do this (life) without the Lord. He is the one giving us the strength to get up every day and go through the day knowing that we won’t be picking her up from school and bringing her home that day. I am still in awe that we’ve been running this rat race for six months. Trying to figure out what was wrong and how to help her. Suffering alongside her because we couldn’t make the pain go away. Someone told me yesterday that it was ok for us to be mad and tell God that we don't want this for our little girl. I guess we haven’t gotten there yet. Maybe because we’ve been too busy trying to parent her well through this process. I am not mad, but I am scared. Scared of what the future may hold for her, of not being able to totally fix things for her, of how she will cope with adversity when we are not there to help her. I prayed this morning that God would remove those questions from my mind. His Word tell us that we should not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will have its own worries and so my prayer now is that God helps me focus on today even if today is this hard.