Day 26: New Stage: Anger with a Dash of Persecptive

From Mom,

The last few days have not been easy ones for our daughter. She is frustrated and desperate and terribly sad. She wants to come home. It’s hard for her to focus on anything else. Her mind is all over the place right now and the only thing she knows for sure is that she’d rather be any place but there and that we, her parents, are not doing anything about it. I know we can’t take anything she says personally. I know she’s not in a good place and that she is just lashing out. I just wish that we could bring some comfort and solace in a time when she feels so sad and alone.

My mom always says that when we feel like complaining about our situation, we should look around because we will always find people that are worse off than we are. She hasn’t said that to me now though. But, some days when I am not sulking, I do try my best to stay positive and concentrate on the good. I have a friend who just lost a loved one in a senseless and tragic way, another who is going through financial difficulties that can and will impact the lives of her children, family members that are going through some serious health issues and the list goes on and on. I find myself trying to focus on what’s good, like I mentioned before, knowing that it can always be worse. But this is my child we’re talking about and it just isn’t fair. I think I’ve reached that stage of anger and frustration they warned me about a couple of weeks ago. I’m not angry at God though. I know this is not what He wants for me or my family. He didn’t set out to hurt us or destroy us. But we know that is what satan wants. And I’m angry. Angry at the situation, at life, at the doctors….. just angry. I want to be able to tell my daughter that everything is going to be ok and believe it. I want to make it all go away for her but I can’t. I think she’s angry too. She wants to will herself to get better so that she can get back to her life as soon as possible. She’s 13 and right now, like every other eighth grade girl, she wants to plan on what she’s going to wear to her middle school prom. It’s hard to look ahead and know that there are events like that coming up that mean so much to her that she may not be able to attend or be a part of. It hurts me that her eighth grade shirt with all of the kids’ signatures on the back is missing hers. These are all little things in the grand scheme of things I know, but they are little things she is missing out on, and they are big to her! So, yes I am angry, very angry right now but in the midst of all that is so wrong, there are people who manage to love us through it all. Who try desperately to find ways to make things easier for us if only to lighten our load. We appreciate that more than we can possibly express. It gives us hope. It carries us.