From Mom
Seven months ago when this leg of the journey with our girl began we prayed for God’s intervention. For His protection over her, for Him to give her peace. We prayed that He’d lead us to the right doctor and that we could get her on some treatment quickly so that she could move on with her summer and start the school year OK. As the weeks turned into months and she continued to get worse instead of better we prayed for healing and proper medication and diagnosis. I remember speaking to one of her therapists back in October about the next stage of the treatment process and her telling me that it would most likely work. But, if we didn't see progress in the coming weeks we would have to start considering residential treatment. My husband and I looked at each other with the same expression. One of confusion, maybe even denial. We just never imagined in a million years having to consider sending our child away. That wasn't part of our plans. And surely, if it wasn't in our plans then God would understand and fix it so that it was aligned with what we wanted for our child. And so our prayers shifted. We now prayed for progress. The week before Thanksgiving we were at one of her therapy sessions and the therapist called me in to the room where she and my girl were talking. She proceeded to tell me that our daughter felt that she needed to go into residential care. She said she didn't feel like she was improving or feeling better and she thought this would be the best thing to do. I remember storming out of that room with my chest so tight I thought it’d explode. I left them to finish their session and went outside to call my mom. I cried my heart out to her on the phone, taking advantage of the few minutes I still had to myself. When we were on the way home, my girl told me that she thought this was God’s will for her. I lost it. I pounded on the steering wheel to make my point clear. I told her that God did not want this for her life! That these feelings that she was having were not of Him and that He would make her better if we just believed. God was at work. No doubt. He was working on our hearts. Preparing us for January 25th. He was paving the way and closing and opening the doors He saw fit. And so our prayers changed once again. Now I pleaded with Him to not make this be the way to her healing. To not let us be separated from our little girl. Christmas eve came around and we were at our last session of the year with her doctor. She told me that she didn't feel our child was safe and that after the holidays, we needed to reevaluate the options. Christmas and new year’s came and went, almost in a blur and 2013 greeted us with the toughest decision we will probably ever have to make as parents. Our prayer now was that God would lead us in the direction that He wanted us to go with her. We met with her treatment team and all agreed that our only option at that point was to place her in a residential facility that would meet her specific needs. It was clear to us then that God was taking us to this place that we didn't want to go but that was necessary for our daughter’s healing. We prayed that He would take us to the right one. We did research and continued to pray. God opened the right doors and we were led to the place where our Smiles is in now. Going into this stage of the game we knew that our insurance company would cover some of this treatment but that at some point they would start to fight us on whether it was really necessary. At $525 a day we knew that fight would happen sooner rather than later. We signed papers at her admission telling the facility that we would take financial responsibility once the insurance coverage ran out. We just wanted her to get the proper treatment. As the weeks started rolling by our focus remained on her and her struggles to find the right treatment plan. Four weeks later, we have just started to see some progress but there is still a lot of work to be done. Last night I got a call from her therapist informing me that the insurance company had begun the denial of coverage process. She told me not to get too upset just yet and went on to explain the appeals process. Today the doctor will do his part in getting that process started. It’s called a peer to peer review. This is where he gets the opportunity to try to convince them that she is not well and that she is not ready to go home. Our prayers must change again. I know we should pray for specific needs but, as I told God this morning on my way to work, I don’t know what to pray for. I don’t know what I should ask for. So I ask that He moves, that He provides, that He draws us nearer to Him and the He would do His will in the life our girl. This is too big for us. It is. But, it is not too big for our God. I know that He loves her more than we could ever love her, and if we are willing to do whatever it takes to get her the help that she needs, how much more will He do for her.
The next few days are going to be critical. Please pray that God will move. That He provides. Pray that He gives us strength to fight this so that we can get our child the help that she needs. That He makes His will clear to us. And that if and when we doubt and falter, that He will help us with our unbelief.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
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